Saturday, May 26, 2012


Being back in the area is nice sometimes.
The area itself is a giant shithole full of crackheads and welfare fraudulent deadbeats but I do have my family and friends close to me.

So, now when I wanted to start a bookclub, people respond!
I am starting a bookclub and we are reading 50 shades of grey ....

W00000ty? yeah dudes.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Man got to get back on my blogging game

I've been totally out of it. Between working and just trying to get things done and get back on trying the blog has taken the backburner. But do not fret for I have not forgotten about you little blog of mine. We will be able to blog again once more soon enough as long as my plans work out accordingly.

Here's hoping...

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Potential Qualities in a Future Mate

So, I'm at that point...
where I'm officially ready to date someone (not marry or jump into a relationship)
with someone new.
I need to put myself out there a little and try to clear my head of all the impending doom that sometimes creeps up on me.

So without further ado here is my list of qualities I will seek in a future potential partner:
-Good work ethic
-Careful driver
-Likes to pay bills on time
-Tidy person with a tidy personality
-Likes and is OK with kids
-No tailgating... that's seriously a dealbreaker... tailgaters need not apply
-Someone present and active in their own life
-Someone with ambition, determination, drive
-Someone with the appropriate amount of follow through
-Someone who will tickle my back if I ask
-Someone who is willing to accept that I'm just a little different (this one will be hard)
-Well groomed and knows how to dress (trumps looks in a heartbeat)
-Someone who is not opposed to the idea of "family"
-Someone loyal, with at least 16 oz. of integrity
-Someone that flosses

The following is a list of ideal qualities that are icing:
-Likes good music
-Can tolerate my music
-Doesn't mind repeating themselves because I am deaf
-Belief in science technology and all things future
-Head in the clouds feet on the floor

I don't know this is a general idea but I am sure there are tons more..
I understand that no one is perfect and that I'm not either
I just really want to know that the person I choose tries their best all the time.
Not a quitter, not someone who's going to bow out of the match.

Friday, March 9, 2012

My New Mantra

I'm trying to make sense of my crazy and surreal situation.
It's hard not to try to run back to safety but there's not even any safety there so I've come up with my own mantra in my moments of panic and overwhelming anxiety.

I'm at the edge of a cliff... that I don't know the depth of. Of course I'm afraid to jump for fear of what's beyond me... but I'm jumping towards something great. I've just got to keep believing that. Keep Moving... just keep pushing through it all. Learning to laugh and smile while I fall.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Quick Update

Hanging out with my family, still traveling.
Had Crepes from a real Creperie, it's amazing how many dumb phrases you can make from the word crepe.
"I'm having a crepe time."
"These are so crepey."
I'm doing a night with just my brother. I guess we're going to go get sushi and hang out in one of the more "happening" areas of our neck of the woods.

Other than that, been seriously stressed. So many changes taking place I can't keep up with them all. Constantly nauseous and totally unenthusiastic about what lies ahead.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Blogging from the Road

I'm in my hometown doing my thing.
It's going to be quiet for a little as you know, I'm LIKE BUSY.
I'll check in here and there and I'll give you the full report once I leave.

Love and Light Peepholes.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Mario Day

So, like I said we got a package from Steve's Mom.
Most of the stuff was for Steve's Birthday - all Mario stuff.
He was like, really good tournament level player who could play with his eyes closed.
So Mario is kind of a big deal around here.

I don't know if any of you guys have ever had a theme day for instance if you like Jellyfish you would have a Jelly fish day? We took all his gifts and had a Mario Day.
-Built the Mario Lego Car (pictured below)
-Ate Mario Candy
-Watched Mario
-Played Mario
-Wore Mario Clothes
-Had Spaghetti (Mario's Favorite!)
-Had Star Shaped Sugar Cookies... 

The kids had so much fun.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

In the spirit of the crane

So, since I've shared my love of cranes with you...
I plan on doing these 1000 (sounds real fun - and a waste of trees) to be exact.

Valentine's Day

So we got a gift from Steve's mom and she put a little scrapbook in there for the girls to do.

So we did that

We also did a bunch of little heart themed crafts

They had fun. It was fun - tons of stickers and glorious glue... you can see in the last picture my younger daughter holding the glue... it really was scary.

I babysat last night. (I do that, babysit) and the lady I babysit for brought cookies!


I did a bunch of crafts while they were here. Mostly stickers because that translates across the age divide. We read some Valentines Books and finished it off with Barney's Valentine which no one watched because they were all pretending to be puppies. 

I ended the night with one of these

Ayala's Herbal Water is so good!

That was my Valentine's Day. I hope yours was great!

A Story

A long time ago ( a whole year almost :D) me and my sister in law went to the museum in my hometown.
There is a creek that runs along the outside and we were walking.
We see a bird a really big bird and we think it's a crane... (Do you know the significance of the crane?)
Totally absurd because of the geographical region
But we follow it and spook it and follow it and photograph it and are in a state of disbelief.
We get to the end of the little trail and there's some people there talking about the bird... the bird was a Heron.

OK so we were wrong.
And there's a moral to the story.
We chase things in life, shadows, dreams, whatever.
We chase them and sometimes when it's all over... what we were chasing wasn't what we thought it was.
It doesn't make it less beautiful or less important. It's just a matter of accepting something for what it is.

Monday, February 13, 2012

A Fun Post

Facebook is such a time suck...
somehow people were able to ask questions about me in 21 Questions - 154 to be exact.
Of course to see who answered them you have to pay which I am totally above or you can answer questions about other people ... like 100 to unlock one answer. Now you see how this vicious cycle works.
The answers are both hilarious and flattering and the questions go from silly to ridiculous to absolutely offensive.
I am going to post all the questions and the answers that people have given for me.
-Do you think ___ has ever kissed a guy ? YES

-Would you give ___ a fist bump? YES

-Would you say what's up to ____? YES

-Would you introduce ___ to your family? YES

-Do you think ____ should do laundry more often? NO
(Obviously they don't know me well enough)

-Do you think ____ 'plays with themselves? NO

-Do you think ____ is cool? YES

-Do you think ___ smells? NO

-Do you think that ____ would secretly fart in public? YES

-Would you give ____ a fist bump? YES

-Do you think _____ grinds their teeth while sleeping? YES

-Do you think ____ can hook up with someone out of their league? YES
(wrong question.. because no one is out of my league)

-Do you think ____ should pass on the chocolate cake? NO

-Is ____ a cheap skate? NO

-Do you think ____ would look good in a bikini? YES
(Aw, thanks!)

-Do you think ___ would bail you out of jail? YES
(Think again)

-Do you think ____ wants to come out of the closet? NO

-Does ____ dress poorly? NO

-If you were being chased by a bear would you trip ____ to save your own life? NO

-Would you introduce ____ to your family? YES

-Do you think that ____ voted for Obama? YES

-Do you think ___ has good taste? YES

-Would you trust ____ with your life? YES

-Do you think that ____ has ever mooned someone? YES

-Do you think that ___ can do 20 pushups? NO

-Do you think that ___ needs to gain weight? NO

-Is ____ profile picture cute? YES

-Is ____ a cheap skate? NO

-Do you think ___ still sleeps with a teddy bear? YES

-Do you think ____ has ever watched someone undress secretly? NO

-Do you think ___ is trailer trash? NO

-Do you think you can beat ___ in a fight?
(Alright, who said that? hahaha)

-Do you think ____ has ever fantasized about you? NO

-Would you trust ___ with your life? YES

-Do you think that ____ has ever smoked? YES

-Do you think that ____ has ever prank called someone? YES

-Do you think that ____ has ever taken money for a bribe? NO

-Do you think that ____would bail you out of jail? YES
(What's wrong with these people? WHAT DID THEY DO?)

-Do you think ____ is cute? YES
(Well, I think you're cute too!)

-Do you think that ____ likes brownies? YES

-Do you think that ____ has bad breath? NO

-Does ____ have a nice body? YES

-Is _____ profile picture cute? YES

-Do you think that ____ can eat more than 3 Big Mac's at a time? NO

-Do you think that ____ has ever done anything that they're ashamed of? NO

-Do you think that ______ scored above a 1500 on the SAT's? YES
(I've never taken them...)

-Do you think that ____ is mean? NO

-Do you think that ____ has ever punched someone? YES

-Do you think that ____ has ever prank called someone? YES

-Do you think that ____ is cuter than Brad Pitt? YES
(Obviously a penis put that)

-Do you think that ____ has ever had stitches? YES

- Do you think that _____ likes to sing Karaoke? NO
(NO? REALLY... I love me some drunken karaoke!)

-Do you think that ____ should not wear tight clothing? NO

-Do you think that ____ is a good friend? YES

-Do you think that ____ needs to lose weight? NO

-Do you think that ____ has ever given someone a 'dutch oven' to someone? YES
(LOL, I'm a girl and girl's don't fart)

-Do you think _____ can drink a gallon of water? YES

-Do you think _____ sends too many facebook invites? NO

-Do you think _____ has ever had stitches? NO

-Do you think that _____ would ever betray you? NO

-Do you think _____ voted for Obama? NO

-Would you hook up with _____ ? YES

-Do you think _____ is cute? YES

-Does _____ have a nice smile? YES

-Do you think ____ is religious? NO

-Do you think that ____ would do anything to get what they want? NO

-Do you think _____ is hot? YES

-Do you think that _____ has ever had a crush on you? YES
(OK Mr. CockyMcConfidant Pants!)

-Do you think that _____ can actually hook up with someone out of their league? YES

-Do you think that ____ would ever betray you? NO

-Do you think that _____ is dumber than Jessica Simpson? NO

-Do you think that _____ would sell you out for a million bucks? YES
(Must be a family member :D)

-Do you think ____ looks good in a bathing suit?  YES

-Do you think _____ is socially awkward? NO

-Does ____ have a nice body? YES

-Do you think ____ would look good in a mini skirt? YES

-Do you think that ____ watches porn? YES

-Do you think ____ would lie for you? YES

-Do you think _____ is hot? YES

- Do you think ____ has blue eyes? YES
(Uh, no I do not)

-Do you think that ____ is hot? YES

-Do you think that ____ is a slacker? NO

-Do you think that _____ is cute? YES

-Do you think that ____ is cute? YES

-Do you think that _____ has ever cheated on a test? NO

-Do you think that _____ brushes their teeth regularly? YES

-Do you think that _____ is cute? YES

-Do you think that______ is a good friend? YES

-Do you think that _____ should have more self confidence? NO

-Do you think that _____ has ever gone to a strip club? YES

-Do you think that _____ has a funny looking nose? NO

-Do you think _____ dresses well? YES

-Do you think _____ sings Britney Spears aloud when no one is around? YES

-Do you think ______ is a jealous significant other? NO

-Do you think ____ would do anything to succeed? YES

-Do you think ____ has ever gone hunting? NO

-Do you think ____ needs to lose weight? NO

-Have you ever had a crush on ____? NO

-Do you think that _____ scored above a 1500 on the SAT's? NO

-Do you think that ____ has ever mooned someone? YES

-Do you think ____ is part of the 'mile high' club? YES
(I've been on a plane twice and I was to scared to go to the bathroom let alone spex in the bathroom)

-Do you think that _____ would do anything to succeed? YES
(OK there are two answers like that... what the hell do people think I am)
-Does ____ sing in the shower? NO

-Do you think ____ is hyper? NO

-Do you think _____ has ever been in a fist fight? NO

-Do you think that _____ wants to 'come out of the closet'? NO

-Would _____ ever dress up in a mascot outfit and run around? NO

-Do you think ____ is trailer trash? NO

-Do you think that ____ would ditch a date? NO

-Have you ever had a crush on ____? NO

-Do you think that _____ has ever given money to a homeless person? YES

-Would you want to see ____ dance like Michael Jackson for money? NO

-Do you think ____ is a jerk? NO

- Do you think ____ is part of the 'mile high' club? NO

-Do you think _____ has ever smoked? YES

-Do you think _____ could shoot someone if they had to? YES

-Do you think _____ 'plays with' themselves? YES

-Would you trust ____ with your life? YES

-Is _____ hyper? YES

-Do you think _____ is greedy? NO

-Do you think _____ would pull a fire alarm as a prank? YES

-Do you think that _____ has ever fantasized about you? NO

-Do you think that _____ cried while watching the Titantic? NO

-Do you think that _____ is selfish? NO

-Do you think that _____ looks good in a bathing suit? YES

-Do you think that _____ has ever gone to a strip club? NO
-Do you think that _____ is a good friend? YES

-Do you think _____ is socially awkward? NO

-Do you think _____ can cook? YES

-Do you think _____ has ever smoked? YES

-Do you think _____ brushes their teeth regularly? YES

-Does ____ sing in the shower? YES

-Does ____ have a deep dark secret? YES
-Do you think _____ has ever lied to avoid a date? YES

-Do you think that _____ let's the 'yellow mellow'? NO

-Do you think that _____ would let you cheat off their paper during a test? NO

-Do you think that _____ still wet their bed in the 6th grade? YES

-Do you think _____ dresses well? YES

-Do you think that ____ has ever kissed a girl? NO

-Is _____ fun to be around? YES

-Do you think _____ has bad breath? NO

-Would you introduce ____ to your family? YES

-Would _____ make a good spouse? YES

-Has _____ ever played beer pong? NO
(What?? AM i up for sainthood?)

-Do you think _____ could be a gangster? NO

-Do you think _____ has ever picked their nose in public? NO

-Do you think _____ needs to lose weight? NO

-Do you think that _____ has ever skipped out on a tab? YES

-Do you think _____ is a slacker? NO

-Do you think that ____ thinks wine in a box is classy? NO
(psh... uh yeah I do)

-Is ____ a cheap skate? NO

-Do you think that _____ could be a gangster? NO

-Do you think _____ is funny? YES

And there you have it... 
What can we surmise from this...
apparently, I couldn't be a gangster... I look good in bikini and I would secretly fart in public
The jury is out on whether I'm a part of the mile high club. 
HAHA oh boy.

Friday, February 10, 2012

The Year for Me?

Somedays, I get bummed... but there's no one or nothing that can do that to you except yourself.
I'm in control of my emotions... I got a 3,000$ medical bill today that sort of bothered me
There are things in my life that are out of my control - more things than I can count but I can still give it away, those feelings I don't have to carry them with me.

I need to start forging along and working on me... not waiting on things to happen, making them happen with that being said...

I've got stuff to do.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Traveling and Being Good At It

So, other than traveling to my hometown I haven't taken any trips in the past two years. That being said I have gone "home" about a bajillion times. Through these exploits I've learned a lot about traveling and things you should and SHOULD NOT do, especially with two children.

Lemme Break it down for y'all:


  • Keep your guest bath stocked with travel sizes so you are prepared for either house guests or your departure (whichever comes first)
  • Make a list of EVERYTHING you will need and break it down (yourself, kids, things you need to do before you go)
  • Pack everything you can the day before. For obvious reasons don't pack your toiletries yet. 
  • Get those plastic spoons for kids and take your host (unless you're staying in a hotel) paper plates so that they don't have to feel the burden of your dishes.
  • Pack some non-perishables
  • If you are traveling with a baby this is like a special exception:
  1. See if someone will either loan you a highchair or a feeding setup or something
  2. Pack Diapers / Wipes don't rely on buying them once you get there especially if it's over the holidays because more than likely places won't be open
  3. Make sure you make special provisions for baby to eat and sleep comfortably, traveling is so hard on them and they get out of their routine which makes them cranky and miserable
  • Take a playpen
  • Make sure your kids have "special things" so that they can feel comfortable. Whether it's a blanket or a toy
  • Eat well - traveling can confuse your system
  • Remember to pack your vitamins
  • And last but not least make sure that your toiletries are separate from your other things, if god forbid something explodes, leaks, decides it's going to shit all over your expedition you can probably wash it all of
  • Don't assume people will have what you need as far as Towels, Blankets, Pillows
  • Let the people you care to see (if you are visiting a place with friends) know in advance so that they can make the arrangements to see you
  • Don't go to someone's house and LIVE there, you are always a guest and they are letting you stay so be respectful
  • Don't pack everything a week in advance only to realize that you need something and :gasp: don't know which bag it's in.
  • Don't tell your kids you're going anywhere until the day before or the day of because they will bug you ... for real
  • Don't cheap out on luggage! It's a good thing to have! Never know
Okay, so that's my take on it. 
I've gotten really good at sleeping other places throughout my life but sometimes I feel like I'm a little too old for couch sleeping so if you want to pack an air mattress - pack away... keep in mind though that if they have cats that air mattress won't have air in it for long.

There's also a level of beurocracy particularly when you are visiting family. People want to see you and you are the one traveling it is impossible for one person to see everyone so that means that they need to make some effort. If they don't be honest with them... tell them you've done most of the traveling for them and if they can't make it around to see you it isn't your fault at all. It's hard to divide your time evenly with only a few days to spend and it feels awful to have to snub people but alas things work both ways. 


Monday, February 6, 2012



Being Nice and Thoughts

The past year has been one of crazy developments and not so quiet reflection.
I've let people into my life and I've let people go.
Throughout it all has been one consistent thing -  my feeling of duty to people.

Sometimes I do what's best for everyone else and sacrifice my own ambitions / aspirations / desires for the good of the "unit".

While this is great it isn't really helping improve my overall moral, if I don't look out for me I've found that no one does. It's part of the reason I started this blog, to have something that's mine where I can put out whatever information I want and then backtrack on how effective I'm being as a human.

My kids from the moment they were a part of my life have been #1 and that will never change. Their needs outweigh mine 100 fold and so I try to prioritize accordingly. There are things that arise that make you question though, if I were to be happier wouldn't that possibly make me a better parent?
And there you have your problem... at what point does the sacrifice stop?
At what point do you say we're going to just have to make a change or even a leap and we'll be OK because I know myself well enough to trust my heart.

Life is about choices, we are bound by them and they redirect the sails on our boats but if the boat is going from point A to point B regardless does it all really matter? I don't believe in "free will" or I should say I think that "free will" and "destiny" are one in the same... you can keep pushing through but your inevitable fate will find you regardless.

Life can surely be scary and when you don't fully trust yourself it can be even more terrifying.
There is a term in Japanese Tatemae it literally translates to the word form. But it's used in the context of belief in public views. You may say publically that you agree with something but privately you feel differently. They use the term Honne for the views we acknowledge privately. It speaks volumes about how fascinating people really are. We live in the shadows of our dreams most of the time and it's constantly befuddling how far we let ourselves become detached from who we really are just to appear different for the sake of... well, often only ourselves.

Check back a little later, I painted a birdhouse.

What's in Store

So, we've been in the process of slowly transitioning financially, things change and that is that. So, I'm going way, way cheap on V-day and I'm just totally skipping Steve's birthday. That may sound terrible but the only reason I really do anything at all is so that I don't feel guilty. He doesn't care, at all. We're not traditional, not in that sense and not in any sense really so. That's taken care of.

I'm planning on doing some crafts with the girls for V-day like making some hearts and possibly this and then writing in it with them things that we love and are glad that we have in our lives. Maybe some cookie baking... not sure on that though.

Other than that, planning a trip to PA to do Christmas with my family.
Also, went to the movies and saw and without giving you are review or anything I will tell you the most entertaining part were the two teenage boys in front of me who were so scared that they LEFT... and came back after the "scare" part was over. Someone said "man I am scared, next year I am watching the superbowl."

Friday, February 3, 2012

Buzz Blogging / Annoying People

I have had 3+ beers and so I dedicate this blog to all the people and habits people have that annoy me.
I try to stay upbeat and positive so I'm allowing myself this blog because no one will read it.

  • Talking way too much
  • Oversharing on FB (I annoy myself with that one)
  • People that refuse to breastfeed
  • Tailgating
  • Not offering to help people with things you can clearly see they are struggling with
  • Women that are totally comfortable and love being photographed
  • Most Women
  • Ugly Women at good angles
  • Drunk Driving
  • Excuses
  • Ignoring People
  • Spitting
  • Cursing A LOT
  • Intolerance
  • Narrow Minded- ness
  • Negativity
Well, that may wrap it up.
I must be pretty insecure, there's a lot of stuff in there about other women.

Mom Style

There was a time in my life when I was into clothes... like seriously into clothes. When we moved to Alexandria, VA in 2006 we rented an L-Shaped Studio apartment... in essence an L-Shaped box. 150 sq. ft. of that was my closet... yes, yes it was. I needed it to. I had some of the ugliest and timeliest clothes that have ever existed.

Then you have kids and you try to incorporate this stuff into your life or at least I did. It felt silly and trivial. I felt like I had got past that, that superficial side of myself. I was too damn tired to care. But then you go to the grocery store and you see these women that have it together, they have heels and dresses and makeup and perfect hair and a child next to them. This is where you stop, look closely and decide that you will just pretend you didn't see that (She was just the nanny right?).

My wardrobe is infinitely different these days... sweatpants, pajama pants (ashamed to say), yoga pants, and t's all day everyday. There just isn't a reason to look all hot when you're changing diapers all day. But now my kids are both getting to an age where things are less hectic. I'm afforded the time to sit at my computer for five hours a day because they are interested in things other than me. I should say sometimes because I mean there are days when they love mom to death and need to prove it. But I don't feel like I have an excuse to look like a scrub anymore... and I need to start buying nice clothes.

My wardrobe will never be the way it was because I've learned lessons. Less is more... keep it simple. Don't buy fads... leave that to the tweenys. Athletic-wear can be hot, I know because the guys at the grocery check me out. If you're gonna do color, do it right. Have some fun pieces but streamline your things to what you know you like and you KNOW you will wear.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

On a not light note

I'm going to write a post here because basically I want to share without having to share. I haven't told many people only close family and very close friends.Topics have been coming up lately about me having another baby. I joke.. I say things like "Factories Closed" but the truth is that very few people know the reason.
Last year, I had a pretty severe miscarriage. Seriously, not one of those oh I had some cramps and then magically wasn't pregnant anymore... it was more like spotting from week 8 and then week 11 BAM. I'm not going to TMI on here but it was gory... and scary. The worst part is that I was entirely alone in an emergency room knowing just what was happening. One of the worst things that's ever happened to me in my life and I basically suffered in silence.

The after math was probably worse. I hadn't told anyone that I was spotting that knew I was pregnant so I had to go home and tell everyone what happened. I amassed a lot of debt. I lost tons of blood and was on iron for three months.

Statistically what happened to me was rare. I had two very healthy pregnancies and your chances of having a healthy baby increases with each pregnancy so my body was saying it wasn't right, that something wasn't right.  I had a sono at 9 weeks and there was a baby with a heartbeat. The Radiologist said that it appeared there may be pleural effusion.. but my OB insisted that at that early in the pregnancy you couldn't tell something like that. They didn't know exactly what happened when it was all over. This is the worst because it opens up the doors to GUILT.

I don't know what's in the future for me, but at this time. NO PEOPLE I DON"T WANT ANOTHER BABY. I will however, gladly hold yours or even babysit. I have a picture from the sonogram and I hide it and once in a while when I feel really self destructive I get it out.

My due date was 11/11/11

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

What I've been up to

So, I'm big into music... like who isn't? But I'm really into music.
One of my favorite bands of all time is Smashing Pumpkins.
While they're my favorite band in recent years I haven't listened to them a lot.
I have however, been on a bit of a kick lately.
One of their best songs is

This is a really good live version...

So, I'm sitting here listening to it and I'm like what the hell is he talking about?
So right now I'm going to break it down for you and me right here right now.

OK so first we have the title - X.Y.U
-Some people would say this is like Ex, why you? I however think it's a reference to XY Chromosomes..

OK so my take on the song is it's written from a lot of different perspectives.
Here's the first verse:
She didn't wanna be / She didn't wanna know
She couldn't run away cuz she was crazy
She gave it all away / She saw her baby break
And in the air it hung that she was dull razors

-Alright this is a summation of the whole experience basically he's saying he was with a woman and she got pregnant not something either had planned. In the end the decision to abort the baby was one that SHE made.

And I said I wanna fill you up / I wanna break you / I want to give you up
From one another, another one should come to one another
No one should come between us

-Here's where I'm a little confused because it seems as though he might be on the fence.
I wanna fill you up? You do the math there. But those three statements could be made to reference different stages... He wants to fill her .. you know IMPREGNATE her, then the breaking which could be a reference to her having the baby and then finally after she's done the deed and get "rid" of it he wants to give her up? Not sure entirely there. From one another, another one should come (a child) No one should come between us. That could be him saying like... at the end this whole ordeal is what split them up.

Verse 2:
Still I was lonely / and she was by my side / my one and only
Knows that she can never hide
I couldn't feel her / and it was just a game /cuz I was lonely and she was crazy

-First two lines are just them riding it out or trying to. Third line is how he loses love for her and now he's just going through the motions

This part whatever it's called:
Rat-tat-tat, ka boo boom, now take that, and just a bit of this
Cause I'm a watcher, and I'm a doer of none
Come to save you, 'cause you're all mine

-Alright, Onomatopeia? OK, he's pissed right he's getting back at her
Because he was a watcher and a doer of none (he didn't stop her)
He plays the role of rescuer and persecuter in the third line? Not sure there

Bridgish? Part
I hurt where I can't feel, I feel where I can't hurt
I know where I can't know, I bleed for me and mine

-This is her perspective.. or possibly how he feels she feels.
It's weighing on her, the decision that she's made. The I bleed for me and mine is a direct indication of that.

Another weird piece:

Ka-boom, a rat-tat-tat, and some good ole bliss
Cause I'm a sister, and I'm a motherf$%k

-His point of view RAGE RAGE RAGE and then sex
Cause I'm a sister ?(P$%#Y?) and I'm a mother____... that's an obvious one.

This Part:

I am made of shamrocks, I am made of stern stuff
I am never enough, I am the forgotten child

-Obviously this is the child which seems a little out there but it's angstymcangstpants billy corgan we're talking about


And I said I wanna fill you up, I wanna break you, I wanna give you up
From one another, no one should ever come
In between us, between us and our love

-Been here talked about this

Verse 3:

Mary had a little lamb, her face was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went I was sure to go
Now Mary's got a problem, and Mary's not a stupid girl
Mary's got some deep shit, and Mary does not forget

-This girl "had" a baby... she's seeing it in her mind and he was always there a constant reminder of this thing that happened. Mary's does not forget... obvious

Line 673094769034860560348:

And this is how Mary's garden grows, and this is how Mary has her ghosts

-This is where the song changes... just like their relationship.
He's there and he just reminds her of how awful she feels... this is how mary has her ghosts. She is clearly haunted

The next line:
And into the eyes of the Jackyl I say ka-boom

-Clearly this is the most intense and climactic line of the song so it's got to be important.
Earlier he says that mary has a little lamb... a baby or what could have been
The line referencing the jackyl is from his point of view. The jackyl first is a symbol in Egyptian Mythology that helps guide souls over. But moreover he's referencing her as "the jackyl" the thief.. the one that stole the baby away.. I SAY KABOOOM! Obviously, there's no white picket fence in these two's future.

Last Verse:

Now we begin descent, to where we've never been
There is no going back, this wasn't meant to last
This is a hell on earth, we are meant to serve
And she will never learn
Bye bye, baby goodbye

-They reaching lows here... what's done is done and there is no recovering from this.
But the line there is no going back this wasn't meant to last - is him saying it's over
The line this is a hell on earth We are meant to serve is her basically wanting to continue the relationship to relive her grief and punish herself
He is saying She will never learn
He is also saying Bye bye baby goodbye.. to her and to the baby.

There you have it. I'm probably wrong.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Sand Art

So, a couple a Christmas's ago someone got my kids sand art... for obvious reasons I was reluctant to actually do it. It's been in a rubbermade container that my kids found the other day and bugged the crap out of me to do it with them.

So, it's pretty easy. There are sticker papers which you can peel off in pieces and add the sand so that you get a picture. There was a butterfly and a koala in our package. My children do not care about those pictures and neither do I. So I just peeled the whole thing off and through the sand on and voila. MOD SAND ART.

The last one is the finished project... :)
Other than that it's been pretty slow over here. I'm tight on money so I might scrap all the V-day and Birthday projects I had going and just do some heart cut-outs with the kids or something. I don't know.
Little Stressed.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Hypothetically Speaking

So, I got to talking with a friend about hot 80's actors that are still hot. So, that got me thinking about making a blog post about all the men in movies that I would hypothetically date / go to some "base" with. Figured I would get it out of the way so that you guys know just what my "type" is. Actually, I just wanted to write a post I thought was totally fun.

OK, OK I don't really have a type but here's some basic guidelines:

-must be taller than me

-should have dark hair (preferably light eyes)

-No typical hot guys



-Some sort of style

OK, so here they are in no particular order ( have a feeling this list is going to be really long)

  • Andrew McCarthy 
  • Ewan McGregor
  • Ali Boulala
  • Adam Levine
  • David Beckham
  • Sean (atmosphere)
  • Aesop Rock
  • Mark Ruffalo
  • Brock from Pokemon
  • Trent from Daria
  • Napoleon Dynamite
  • Josh Lucas
  • Michael Vartan
  • House
  • Jeremy Sisto
OK that's enough for now...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


I'm sick so I'm on a short reprieve from posting.
My kids are addicted to Youtube Cat Videos

So for your viewing pleasure:
That's actually really funny.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Walnut Butter

Okay, so when I was a kid there was this endless supply of walnuts in our house. The reason for this was because my mother and grandmother loved to bake and my aunt had walnut trees on her farm. It was only when I moved out on my own that I realized how expensive walnuts are and how lucky I was when I was younger.

So, awhile ago I got walnuts at the market and didn't know what to do with them. I made Waldorf Salad a couple times and that was it. I saw an article in I think? All You magazine on the health benefits of nut butters and thought, "Oh, how I love nut butter" I've had sunflower and Almond butter but then it him me, my walnuts! I've never had walnut butter but the recipe was so easy I knew I could really screw it up.

So, without further adieu:

Alright so here's your list of necessities:

  • Walnuts
  • Honey
  • Oil (they say nut oil but I just used regular old veg/olive combo)
  • Nutcracker or HAMMER if you are me
  • Some type of processor
How I Roll in teh PREP

Alright, so here's the super simple instructions.

  1. Bust open the nuts (Little bit of nut humor up there)
  2. Get your processor ready ( I use a Ninja)  
  3. Add a little honey - about a tablespoon and a little oil
  4. Start pulsing until it's buttery
OK, heads up my processor screamed like a banchee as I did this... and I had to open it up a couple times to see if it was right but it came out really good and my kids loved it.

Here's the finished product, I hope you like it. It tasted a little bit like wheat germ to me.

Just Some Thoughts

Okay first thing I want to record here are my SM's birthday plans.
I was planning on doing Muppet Cupcakes but I've completely scratched that idea.

I will now be doing:

  • I will either make or buy a tie rack
  • Bake a real pie (Note to self to find out what his favorite kind of pie is) 
  • Make a Banner for decoration
OK, so that is that. I also wanted to get him another rechargeable battery thing but he says if I get that it isn't really a gift for him... whatevs.

OK, on to the other irons in my fire... I've thought about doing a network marketing thing a couple times and I've pretty much decided that I do want to try. It's just about the timing I guess. But I have reservations, I firstly don't really have a network and I really don't like to sell. I'm not even really sure why this idea even appeals to me. But when it comes down to it I need the extra cash, I babysit but that's not an income and so this I guess, if I got creative and got out there could be good for me.

So here are the two companies I've narrowed it down to and my subsequent list of pros and cons:

  1. This would be good for a lot more people than Usborne
  2. There would be repeat buyers 
  3. It's constantly changing so it would provide a lot of variety and a reason for people to keep in touch with you
  1. This would be harder to pull off because you would need people with children
  2. It would be great though because books in my house count as gold
  3. They don't seem to have as many of the perks that Scentsy has
  4. It will be a little easier to sell once Penny is in school
I don't know maybe I'll do neither, it's up in the air at this point.

Check back in a bit I'm going to make Walnut Butter :)

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Taking Pictures

I really like to take pictures. I mean, I have no talent at it but I enjoy it and that's what matters...
So I was at Target tonight and I saw this
Just go look
So, awesome... I currently use a Canon EOS Rebel but it's
a) Old (like six years)
b) Got a lot of features I don't know how to use because it wasn't my camera to begin with
c) Bulky and I do a lot of snapshots

I will have that camera sometime this year.

Time Vacuums

I wake up every morning with every intention of getting up and getting things done. Then I sit down in front of my computer and get stuck in a wormhole of emails and facebook statuses. Before I know it, it's time for lunch and I've done absolutely nothing. I work well with lists and it seems the older I get the more I need them to get absolutely anything done.

So, in honor of procrastination here's a list of all the places on internet that I get sucked in and can't get out:

I know, you'd think there would be a lot more craft / cooking sites but I try to stay away from those unless I'm looking for a project because well... I wind up spending way too much time / money on usually Ugly or Ill received gifts / crafts.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Saying Goodbye to Christmas or as I call it PCD

I took all of my Christmas decorations down the other day and now I'm in that after Christmas phase where the world feels helpless and lonely. Post Christmas Depression or PCD for short is a real disorder that I've created all on my own. It's hard to let go of that magical yet stressful time of the year where you are actually really busy and you have that awesome distraction of SHOPPING. Then it's like, it's over and you didn't even really enjoy it. You feel that need to see a familiar face or just get a big hug.

The truth is that I didn't even do the gift exchange with any of my family yet. They're in PA, I'm in the DC Metro so I'll get up there in February and get to do a mini xmas but it just isn't the same. By that time the Valentine's stuff will be up... Oh well

On another note, I'm thinking seriously about scrapping the muppet cupcake project. It's going to be hard. Maybe Ill just do a Kermit, I don't know there's no Tutorials anywhere on the internet... probably has something to do with the blackout.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Imaginary Boyfriends - A Battle (You'll see what I did there in a minute)

OK, so let's close our eyes and imagine our imaginary boyfriend... you know the one that picks his socks up off the floor and doesn't tailgate. He's grand isn't he?

I was listening to my headphones earlier and Aesop Rock was on and I thought I bet Aesop Rock is a nice guy. You know he's cute and he's obviously very smart... he would probably be a great boyfriend. OK, just to preface this is all imaginary. I mean, in real life the guy is married and you know... good for him but this is my fantasy.

Then I remembered my other imaginary boyfriend Sean, or better known as "Slug" (said with a totally Tanya voice). Oh no, this could be bad. They could get into one hell of a rap battle where Slug metaphorically refers to me as Lucy. I would love EVERY second of it.

But seriously :sort of: I like these two guys. They each possess something very unique and appealing yet they are both extremely different. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is about either but I think Aesop Rock would be more the guy that comes home to you though and Slug would probably end up being the guy that "goes out for a pack of smokes and never comes home" Ha.

Either way my favorite Atmosphere song is .....


Favorite Aesop Rock song is......

Greatest Pac-Man Victory in History

Friday, January 13, 2012

The Perils of Motherhood

So, while pondering about what I was going to blog about today I did a little bit of web-browsing. I'm addicted to the thought of having a classroom setting for my kids despite the fact that they don't really need one. So, I was looking at daydreaming about cubbies and art tables and all the things that go alone with it. Motherhood obviously can be isolating especially if you are among the ranks of those that don't tend to make friends easily or crack jokes that people don't really laugh at <----- (ME) So, as I'm looking I start thinking man, A, you need to make some friends... and how do people do that?

I've tried and while it was good for my kids, I hosted quite a few playdates at my house and even had a Gerber Houseparty. I had trouble connecting with the moms. My interests are varied and sometimes I see myself as a square peg in a round hole. So, I started thinking about taking a class at Michael's or something. They have cool one's the Wilton Baking and a Knitting. While those are cool I don't know if I'd wind up meeting anyone that I could really enjoy spending my time with. No offense to the cupcake bakers of the world but I'm not as traditional as most of the women that I assume sign up for those classes. They do however, offer painting classes which is something I totally suck at yet am totally absolutely interested in. So I look at the calendar and alas there are none on the schedule.

What a bummer.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Sometimes Being a Vegetarian Isn't Pretty

So, if you're just stopping by guess what?! I don't eat meat. Don't worry though, I'm not preachy or anything like that. As far as I'm concerned this is the best choice for me and my family. Maybe you and your family enjoy meat, that's fine with me.

With that being said it can become mundane with the same old dinners. You also get stuck in "the pasta rut" where all your eating is carbohydrates and then I've got to kick myself into gear and go out and get the fresh stuff and the stuff that forces me to be a little more creative.

So, here's a little back-story. Last year we had my father and his wife living with us. She's from Thailand and she cooks some amazing... I mean delicious food. While they were staying here she really got me into going to Globe Mart which is the ethnic store where I live. I was firstly, blown away by the awesome prices on produce and secondly, amazed at the insane selection they had.

With that being said I took a trip there today. Came back with this.
OK, it doesn't look pretty but I'm sure it cleans up well. Some of it I've had before and some of it I took a gamble on. Usually it isn't half bad. Plus, my kids love tofu anyway you serve it to them they gobble it up. So, I guess the moral of the story is Globe Mart is pretty rad.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

More Bento Box Ideas

I want to list a couple of the really cool links I found while researching Bento Boxes

So, it's coming along... now I just have to figure out how to make those muppet cupcakes.

Cheap Books / Facebook Dramz

OK, so I've had a migraine blame the last two days of misery on that.

When I was pregnant with Penny I ready this book and it really helped me to realize just what babies are, a crying, screaming bundle of reflexes. I had no prior experience with babies but this book was great. One of the best pieces of advice I got from it was that toys are novel and cool but you can definitely over do it. Books on the other hand you can absolutely never have too many of.

So obviously she is telling me to obsessively refresh the Ebay children's book lot auction page right? I mean that's what I took from it.

Other than that I had an interesting experience on Facebook yesterday, with a relative. Figured I would vent here since anything I say on there can and will be used against me in the court of webzlaw. I made a comment in defense of eating at home and suddenly I was being attacked... and well... it felt bad. I also chose not to go forward with "a flame" because who airs their laundry on facebook like that? Surely, not I. OK said it, got it off my chest, and I feel the exact damn same ... :/

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Recipe: Vegetarian Spinach Lasagna

I have one tried and true recipe for when Steve's family comes to visit since we're vegetarians our eating habits tend to be different from theirs. I always make vegetarian spinach lasagna. So, I figured in honor of their visit yesterday I would share my recipe with you.
That is not my lasagna, I totally forgot to take a picture.

So, here's your ingredient list:

  1. Lasagna Noodles (whatever kind you desire)
  2. 1 Big Container of Ricotta
  3. 1 Jar of Red Sauce
  4. Package of Frozen Spinach
  5. Package of Fresh Mushrooms
  6. Package of fresh sliced cheese
Alright, here's what you do.
    • Preheat Oven to 375 degrees
    • Boil a big pot of water, once it comes to boil throw about half that box of lasagna noodles in there.
    • While that's boiling defrost (if not already done) spinach and drain really well
    • Mix your spinach and ricotta cheese together
    • Check noodles, they should be not quite done
    • Get out a big casserole dish and put a teensy bit of sauce on the bottom (so noodles don't stick)
    • cover the bottom evenly with noodles, then add a layer of the ricotta spinach mixture, then a layer of noodles and then sauce. Repeat this step as many times as necessary. (I usually only have to do it twice.
    • Once you've added your final coating of sauce on the top cover that baby in sliced cheese
    • Put it in the oven for about 35 minutes or until the cheese is bubbling 
    Here's some clever variations:
    Add hamburger or Morningstar Farms fake hamburger if you're a vegetarian like me
    Add some zucchini and sun dried tomatoes 
    Add whatever you like really, the only problem that you may run into is that the ricotta holds moisture and if you want this plain (just ricotta and sauce and noodles) it may get runny... I really don't have a solution. If you do run into that problem my best bet is to try a lot of different types of ricotta and probably like always the MOST EXPENSIVE one will yield the best results. 

    Good Luck and Let me Know How it Turns Out.

    Monday, January 9, 2012

    Being Lazy and Not Productive

    So, when I started this blog my goal was to update at least once every two days. Obviously, I've been slacking. With the holidays and having family come AFTER them to celebrate with our children it's been a little hectic. But those are excuses right? How long does it really take to make a little blurb on the internet? You did update your Facebook status Asheli.

    So, I ask myself what does it take me personally to stay on track? What does it take me to be productive?
    I have to take out my headphones (yes, I wear them while my kids watch TV) and I have to get out of my cozy little spot in the corner of the couch. Parenting is like this big balancing act. Even when I'm not doing anything I'm being barraged with requests for snacks and to look at a picture or to give the dog a milkbone. So, I take my time with everything to make up for it.

    What do you do to stay on track? If you've got any good ideas let me know.

    On another note, I've got plenty of downtime this morning because my kids got round two of Christmas with my Mother in Law. They're busy breaking their new toys.

    Other notable things include:

    • Triops never hatched
    • Steve got a real job
    • I've actually decided that when I've saved the cash I'm going to do the real estate school thing
    And just for some laughs while we are on the subject, a demotivational poster.

    Thursday, January 5, 2012

    Jingle Even Loved to Sing

    So as a Christmas Eve gift I got my kids one of those Hallmark Book Buddies, particularly "Jingle all the way"
    It's a little stuffed dog that interacts while you read a book.

    Every time you say a particular phrase in the book he either barks or sings.

    Which- that is so awesome right?

    Well, yes... in concept this is a really cool and fun idea and gets your kids into reading. My kids already are but I thought this was a sweet gift despite that.

    Here's the problem. First, one particular phrase in the book I have to repeat over and over in different tones and annunciations because "Jingle even loved to sing." Apparently, Jingle does not. It usually takes me FIVE tries to get him to do it. The second problem is that my two adorable, wonderful, beautiful children like to fight over Jingle and usually in the process of fighting over him they push the little button on his ear off.

    We read it before bed tonight... kids had fun but I was frustrated... cest `la vie? I guess.

    Wednesday, January 4, 2012

    Ordering Prints and their Accompanying Procrastination

    Maybe it's just me, but ordering prints online of photos is one of those things I put off until I can absolutely not go without them anymore (I know... first world problem.)
    I scrapbook, or at least I USED to. I haven't ordered pictures in two years I think??? Not that I haven't taken them... I've taken thousands and the last time I ordered I ordered like six hundred and that was awesome because I had a lot to work with but now I'm running low.
    It's a thing I like least, I always over order and the whole process just tends to take hours.
    I have to tonight and I'm dreading it.
    My best prints ever though have definitely come from Snapfish.

    Monday, January 2, 2012

    You are what you eat

    I just wanted to post this while it's fresh in my mind.
    I just watched this documentary on how the food we eat is directly related to who and what we are.
    Most people don't make that connection between these very simple things. You can prepare a meal and provide someone nourishment and that's one of the greatest and most valuable gifts you can give.
    My mother in law is coming Sunday, I told her I was going to make Lasagna. She said, "Why don't we just go to Olive Garden?"
    To me the answer is very simple... you live 200 miles away and we don't see you. The very last thing I want to do is waste the time we have sitting in the car and sitting in a crowded restaurant. I would much rather prepare you a meal and sit with you and enjoy it. The gratification is worth every ounce of work.
    I'm also a vegetarian, so are my children. We've received a lot of flack for this. Most of which I've allowed to roll off my back. But yet again, here we are at this really significant connection between us and the Earth, us and life itself. I choose not to eat a lifeless bird and that to me means so much more than the sustenance meat provides.
    It is quite funny because when I was younger I ate very fast and I ate a lot. People would ask why and I would say, "I don't have time for food." I realize now that I'm older what I meant and what I said was skewed. My thought process was also a little flawed, I understand now where I was coming from. I wanted food to not be the primary source of entertainment. It's like the canvas and I can see that now. I'm not going to make a TV dinner and then sit and watch Jeopardy. I'm going to make a meal and sit and eat that meal with my family.

    Projects in the Works

    So, I've got a couple cool projects I'm planning on doing soon that I'm excited about:

    • Bento Boxes for Valentines Day
    • Muppet Cupcakes for Steve's birthday
    Other than that, right now I'm working on the Glass Bead Game (the book).

    If you know me, you know that up until last year I had my very own website but unfortunately the server it was on was hacked :-( The site was dedicated only to my 1001 books 1 lifetime project. Basically, it was me taking this list and just going through and reading. I'm still working on that project, Glass Bead Game is on there. It's taking me an obscene amount of time to read it.

    On the kid front, I've been introducing Penny to words which is awesome. I got some of those flash cards from the dollar store... (how awesome is it that the dollar store has a teaching section) and we've been working on the different sounds that the letters make together. Silent E's she already has down... I am absolutely impressed with her.

    Yep, that's today in a nutshell.
    Oh yeah, the triops! Duh, so for Christmas Penny got Triops. "Trops" as she likes to call them.
    We set that up last night. I'll let you know how they turn out in a couple days when the eggs are supposed to hatch. But if you have a kid that is into dinosaurs or fossils or anything like that... this is like Sea Monkey's on speed.

    Sunday, January 1, 2012

    So, welcome I guess?

    Yeah, yeah it's the new year. New me? Eh, I'll settle for a cleaner house and cats that don't throw up on EVERYTHING. I got up this morning walked into the living room and there were three awesome piles of cat throw up just waiting for MOI. Always a pleasure Muffin, always a pleasure.

    Today was alright. Nothing special. No pork or sauerkraut, not in this house. No meat = no chance of trichinosis! I'm trying to devise ways to organize the tons and tons of things my kids have in way that makes it accessible to them and transparent to my own eyes. If you come up with a solution let me know.

    Otherwise, that's me signing off for the day.