Translate

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Happy Grandpa's Day!

OK so it is totally not grandpa's day... is that even a holiday? But I just wanted to share these two equally funny photos from www.lamebook.com with you!


Wednesday, April 24, 2013

A Thought for the Youth...

Why y'all tanning....
It is unwholesome for several reasons which I will cover extensively in a moment.
But first know young people that I am not attacking you and I'm addressing this to younger people because fortunately for you, your skin still has a chance. Put on SPF not DARK TANNING OIL especially (most definitely) if you are not of Taino / Native American / African American / Eastern Indian descent.
Why???
Oh look, it's an old tan guy...
what old tan guy isn't saying is I have MELANOMA!!!
Whether you're catching your UV's by bed or by sea apply some sunscreen.
Don't be that guy ^^ Yeah you up there.
It's also really unbecoming because it AGES THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.

You look just as pretty in your real skin people - and your 40 year old self is going to thank you........
NO your 40 year old self is going to thank me...
Shall I link you to my Amazon Wishlist now or later?

Signed,
Someone Pale

Monday, April 22, 2013

It's just an empty boat!

So, there's this new baby floating around my house and we're all off track and we're trying to get back to a stable, sane spot... not that babies are hard but overseeing two young children while taking care of a baby is - and there are days when I go in my girls room at night and realize what an utter mess it is I want to cry because there's no way they'll be able to clean it up without help.

And then, in my inbox I see ZEN HABITS you're so nice!
Like, how cool is it to get that right around this time... a nudge from the universe that it's gonna be OK.
It's not always the end of the room, and it's an opportunity to maybe even teach a lesson.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Friday, April 12, 2013

Pacifiers and Myspace

So, you are looking at that title and going... now how is she going to tie these two seemingly unrelated things together???
A: I'm not
Just two topics I'm going to share my opinion of with you conveniently in this one little post.

First, pacifiers... I don't know if I just don't get it or I'm being one of those judgemental moms who thinks she's (OK, knows) she's doing it right. But man when I see pictures of babies with those things I totally just want to slap em right outta their mouths! Like.... ahhhhh! You are almost a year old.... not a newborn!
So here is my problem... firstly I've never met a breastfed baby who will take one.. P took one when she was just born... used it only a couple of times. Isabelle wouldn't even touch it... and when she was about six months old I was so exhausted I fished one out of a box of stuff of Penny's-- praying to the universe she would take it so I could sleep... she did not. Maybe I'm bitter but what the hell do kids need these in their mouths for all the time. Isn't it frowned upon? And taking pictures with it??? WHAT!
NO,NO,NO.I get the soothing / calming purpose but isn't that like the "fourth trimester" wouldn't that end at three months old?
Alright said my piece.
I will say this though... I don't really know what it's like to have a child dependent on one for comfort. I do know what weaning is like and if it's anything like that it isn't fun, but can't you see yourself going down this path before it gets to that point? I don't know.

Now on to my second bit...
I have been going on Myspace looking at old pictures. I've also been looking at my old comments and how nice that whole community is in retrospect. Facebook seems so whiny to me, OH LIFE SUCKS BLAH BLAH BLAH. Myspace was just commenting on people's pages telling them nice things like "hey I miss you" or "Happy Birthday"
So, I'm going to list here (who doesn't love a list) all of my favorite comments I've ever received on Myspace (some of the best are actually from my brother) He's probably the missing ingredient on facebook anyway - he's never had one.

HERE YA GO

-im compeeled to right youthis song 

ash let me smash 
you gave me a rash 
we dont smok hash 
but we can drink 
and try and think 
of something to do with no cable or hot water 


ah 
i miss the good old days 

see you soon 

<3lele-
(it's going to copy this font)
From my sister in law.

-well, well, well, look who came crawling back... me. after so much time thats passed of despising my existence, you finally caved in and realized keeping me as your best friend is much healthier than being my worst enemy. have a nice day. ;)

My friend Jason

-You wouldn't believe the amount of people that are just sooo jealous of you sitting in my top friends as numba one mutha fucka... I hope you appreciate it, bunghole.

-Also my friend Jason

(I put that there because... ah myspace where you could tell your value in this world by the number of people you held a reigning spot in their elusive top "8") 

-miss ya...hope every things good...reddin sux...u aint missin nothin...ill try n get ahold of ya soon...love you very much<333SeTh*

-My brother in a moment of sweetness (HAHA)

-
Hey i know its its only the 3rd but happy birthday your gonna be 24 right?(man we are getting old!) I hope everything is good with the baby. You gotta get ahold of me if you ever come home to visit. Talk to you later.....miss ya!





-My cousin.. this made me feel way OLD





-
Ey you fagg. ! L0L wut in the world u been doing. ? Jusx gt done reading ya bullentin. Hehehe dude I miss you. Hit me up on aim so I can save u on my mobile list cusx thts how I'm always on. Well dude. ! Idk if you know but my jaw was fractured in a car wreck 3mnths ago. N I'm still healing. I was like so fawkn depressd during the 1st-2nd mnths. I felt so dame alone. Never felt like that sincx the yung age lol but w/e I'm go0d N ovr it. But grl I hope all is very well with you sincx I last talk 2you. Oh gyea scott weiland is still hott. He's on jimmy kimmel rite now lol aite grl ttys. Iloveyou. !!

-My dear and insane friend Kat

OK enough of that crap.. the old days.. they sure were good.




Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Appointment Parties.

So, yeah I just had a baby... and if there is anything you can guarantee associated to babies / pregnancy it's a shitload of doctor appointments... seemingly one after another after another.

It can bog you down .. I have on average two a week!
(So unnecessary)
But see, here's a great way to solve the monotony of doctor "appointments"

LET"S CALL THEM PARTIES?!
Why this is genius:

  • Because the doctor will think you are crazy RSVP'ing to your appt.
  • Because the fact above may get you extra prescriptions!
  • Because maybe they'll recognize and appreciate your genius and make you an honorary doctor
  • Because maybe if you call it a party when you show up there will be cake... 
And just so everyone knows how superior my creations are, here's Oliver